+I am having a terribly difficult time right now! This is spring and it is usually my FAVORITE time of the year. This year it is starting out to be a very confusing time for me! I feel an almost overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness.  There is a saying I heard recently that was making reference to the fact that people come into your life either for a reason or a season. I hate the fact that is true!

I dislike endings. I am a creature of habit. I like stability. I like routine. I like thinking I know what is going on!

I dislike suprises. I dislike finales. I dislike spur of the moment. I can't stand not having a schedule. I can't stand not having a direction. I DO NOT do well with disorganization!

Ironically I am all of those things mixed together in a formula that works for me. When something unexpected happens I have to have time to readjust and regroup.

So...................

I don't do well with things ending 'all of a sudden' or 'sooner than planned'! I am not looking for other doors to open because I am too busy standing at the closed one -trying to kick it in! For the most part a whole factory of doors could open around me and I would not notice.

When someone comes in to my life and there is a true connection-you know where you can each just be yourselves-I honestly consider that relationship to be forever. I know that is very unrealistic but yet it is the way I WANT it to be. I don't see the point of pretending to be glad that it was in my life for such a short time! I don't like to think of things as lessons learned or experiences gained or any of those optomistic labels.

I am sad and angry and scared and anxious about the things in my life that are coming to a close. I don't think it's fair that things can't last forever. Why is there even such a thing as FOREVER if when you get there you're all alone?

You know there is something to be said for letting go. Why should we have to let things go? If we have worked really hard to obtain something or really hard to make something work, then why should we let it go? It's ours Dammit! If it has our blood, sweat and tears on it then by rights, it is ours!

Seriously, is there a difference between being the bigger person and letting something go and being selfish and being a quitter? I ask myself isn't it a little too easy to give up on something when it gets difficult and label it as taking the high road and letting it go and the whole "if it's yours it will come back to you"?

I mean people don't go around giving up their really valuable material possesions in the same way they give up their relationships. Could I just ask someone for their really big diamond ring and when they say no could I persuade them by telling them that if it's really theirs it will come back to them? Yet if someone wants your boyfriend they have no problems trying to take him away!

Therein lies the dilema-if you fight for the relationship then you are being selfish by trying to hold on to them. If you give up then you are a quitter!

So how about trying some new advice:

IF HE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE LEAVE HIM ALONE! HE IS NOT YOURS NOR IS HE IN ANY WAY FOR SALE OR TRADE! SO BACK THE F_ _ K OFF!

Now, doesn't that seem a bit easier? No split decisions just a firm stay away!

Well I hope that I have cleared things up for any one out there trying to decide whether or not to let go or quit. There is always the third choice of blatant ROADBLOCKING!

Happy Evening to Y'All